


Dead Man's Party

by Linorien



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Community: MI6 Cafe | mi6_cafe, Gen, Humor, sp00qy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-16 15:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20860460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien
Summary: Three things to know:1. I work in the Secret Service.2. I am known to everyone by Q.3. I have a heartbeat.I didn't expect number 3 to be such a shock. But strange things happen when you play Truth or Dare with 00s.





	Dead Man's Party

**Author's Note:**

> If you like music with your fic, do enjoy the song I had stuck in my head while writing this: [Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhN8SdulOFc)

Three things to know: 

  1. I work in the Secret Service. 
  2. I am known to everyone by Q. 
  3. I have a heartbeat. 

To most people, the second fact seems the most unusual. What kind of a nickname is Q? The answer, of course, is that it’s a title, not a nickname. I am the Quartermaster of MI6. Q is merely faster to say. But because of my rank, no one else knows my name. In fact anyone who knew my birth name has been dead for some time. Even as a kid I falsified my records. Probably good I ended up here. 

But it was at a birthday celebration for 001 that number three became the craziest fact. 

It started as normal as any 00-led celebration could. A night out drinking and bar hopping before returning to the pool in the lower levels of MI6 to drink still more cocktails with our feet in the water and 80s beach music playing. It was a great evening and I was honored to have been invited. 

Then they started truth or dare. Surprisingly, more of them picked truth. I guess that was more exciting in a world of espionage. I learned that 004 did ballet for ten years, 0016 went camping with their family once and nearly got swept away by a flash flood, and 007 was dared to dress like a flapper girl on Monday. 009 volunteered to do his make up but he said he could do his own.

Then it was 007’s turn. “Three.”

“Truth,” 003 said, taking a drink of his cocktail and setting it down beside him. 

007 smiled. “Who was the first person you killed?”

Like I said, as normal as any 00-led celebration could be.

“Give us a few details too,” Moneypenny said. “Unless its a big name, it’s hardly a juicy secret.”

“Oh it’s juicy. Big hacker on the rise. MI6 was scared cause they’d hacked the FBI and made it so all their documents printed in pink. Plus a watermark with a picture of a unicorn. Or maybe it was a phoenix. Some mythical beast.”

The agents laughed.

“You ever do anything like that, Q?” 005 asked.

“Loads of times. They were fun to screw with. Their security only got better when they hired a friend of mine.”

“So anyway, I was sent after him and told to get him from a distance. I guess their intel said the kid was a genius with traps. To make a long story short, I shot him with a crossbow. One shot and he was down like a rock.”

“That’s all it took?”

“Honestly, something else might have been the last blow. Q branch spent days dismantling traps before they reached the kid. I only heard he was dead from M later.”

Perhaps it was coincidence. A really, really strange coincidence. But the scar on my chest said otherwise. 

“You didn’t say his name,” 007 reminded him.

“Oh. His name was Nathan Woods.”

My name was Nathan Woods. I had been shot with a crossbow bolt eleven years ago. I was still alive. 

Then again. When I woke up in that hospital room and a kind old man said he had rescued me and was impressed enough by my work to offer an apprenticeship, Nathan Woods became no more. My name on the earliest MI6 records said Alex Winters and even those were now scrubbed. Maybe Nathan Woods really was dead. 

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: A character reveals to you they killed someone…but they say your name


End file.
